White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
