he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
