You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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