walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
