My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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