Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
