Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
