To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize