If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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