haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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