Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
