They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this will be a night to untag.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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