so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
