I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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