the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
