Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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