There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
