PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
