I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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