The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize