This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
