are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
