well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I don't deserve a penis
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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