don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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