I think my vagina is haunted
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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