Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
