Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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