At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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