the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
