Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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