I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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