After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
