she woke up with a sticky ear
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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