How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
