Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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