Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the day after is always just damage control
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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