Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
