so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
