I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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