nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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