he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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