I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
