The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
