I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize