Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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