Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
