I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
