I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
