I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
