She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
