I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
