plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
