oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize