I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize