i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
