but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
