So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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