true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
me + whiskey = a bad person
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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