I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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