He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize