I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She tied me up with her honor cords...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
