i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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