I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
