do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
