My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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