i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
