Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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