someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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