Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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