Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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