Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize