You smell like stripper and shame
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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