I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
