Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
