I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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