I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it's great music for shaving your balls
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
