is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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