Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
