I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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