I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
