I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
