called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
