Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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