when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
