I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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