mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
