We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
