thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
