No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
