Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
