I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize