U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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