Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
