Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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