I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
