and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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