On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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