Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
