I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I will die if light touches me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
