You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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