We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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