Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
