I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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