if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize