why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
