I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
