I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
