i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
