Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
