If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
