my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
handjob tips. give me some.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
