The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
