Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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